Thursday, July 28, 2011

Choosing to Be With Someone - How Do I Know I'M With the Right Person?

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To discover what real is - it's important to understand what it is not. If you believe that a relationship is the key to being happy, you'll be vulnerable to receiving unhealthy love. This is because your core belief that the other person can 'make' you happy leaves you open to emotional abuse, mind-games, cheating and power struggles.
How do you become open to receive good love? Well, you'll need to invest some time in really getting to know the other person. This is probably only possible once the chemical high of your first few months together is over. Try not to make any big commitments during this time. Remember that the first stage of love dissolves after about eighteen months. After that, it's all about who you both are as human beings.
Make a note somewhere (a journal is a good place to do this) that a person who truly loves you will respect your boundaries. Right from the beginning. An emotionally abusive person finds it impossible to leave you with your own personal emotional space. Whatever your beliefs and needs are - whether they are emotional, physical, relational or spiritual - make it clear where your limits are.
A lover who is real does not wish to hurt or harm you in any way. He respects who you are and will also make it clear where his limits are so that there can no confusion or unnecessary misunderstandings. Make sure you can talk openly and from the heart as soon as you know the relationship is going somewhere. You should be able to be yourself since a truly loving person will be happy to discover who you really are.
Make sure you know yourself through and through. Take personality tests and be notice how you react in social situations. Are you studious or fun-loving? A bookworm or a party animal? What do you want out of life? Take a good look at your personality traits, career aspirations, hobbies, attitudes, spiritual beliefs and all the things that make you who you are. Once you are sure of who you are, you'll know what you have to give to someone else.
When you're looking for true love, remember it doesn't have an Excel spreadsheet of all your flaws. If you love someone who is constantly criticising you, that's toxic love. Do you feel good about your body when you make love? Or does your partner give you signals that you're not good enough? Sex should be enhanced by bonding, understanding and sheer delight in the other. If this isn't the case, then it's not really love.
You don't have to settle for toxic love. Life is in the details and so is love. It takes time to love someone, time, energy and compassion. True love takes time. It goes from infatuation - through learning about the other person and into the reality of deep, loving, passionate bonding.
Written by Jill Harris
http://www.wolfinyourbed.com
How to use therapeatic writing to recover from toxic love.
Visit my website at the above link.


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Where Did The Time Go? True Love May Be The Time Bandit

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Happy birthday sounds much better when you are ten than when you are one year past the mid-century mark, at least for me. I can remember when I was ten and playing on the abandoned steam shovel behind the coal region town of Kaska, Pennsylvania with my childhood friend Nemo as if it was yesterday. I can also remember going to Hershey Park in Stenny's father's car as he got his license first among our group of friends, we were 16. Those days seem to last a lot longer than the days that go by now and I believe that the proportion of time itself has something to do with it.
Proportion and imagery spoke volumes to us for millions of years before language was fashionable. Size produced some interesting survival strategies throughout the history of biological evolution by which the most recognizable is the selection of the physically bigger among prey species, effectively communicating, "Don't try to eat me, I'm too big." However, proportion has not only played an important role in evolution's grand scheme but has accompanied us individually throughout our lives on some hidden and personal levels.
Consider the first time that you ventured a visit to your elementary school after several years of enjoying alumni status. You immediately experienced an Alice in Wonderland sense of proportion and felt like you had taken the one pill that makes you larger. Many items have noticeably shrunk, desks, lockers, hallways, doors, toilets, classrooms, etc... as if the White Rabbit just played a bad joke on you. What makes this a particularly strange experience is that you don't remember these items being so small because they weren't - you were.
We can experience time in much the same proportional way. It feels as if it speeds up as we get older and most of us come to question the validity of Einstein's theory at some point in our lives. Consider the summer when you were nine or ten years old and how long that summer seemed in comparison to the same season experienced as an adult. The reality of this phenomenon is proportionally rooted in the relationship of these three months to your current life span. Simple math indicates that, for a ten year old, three months represents 1/40 of their lives while, for a thirty year old adult, three months comprises 1/120 of their lives. In this light, the effect of proportion makes the same three-month period seem to go much faster relative to the whole of one's life experiences.
The first artists were well aware of our emotional tie to proportion as reflected in several famous Venus figurines, which may also provide an example of some of the first images of love. Some figurines accentuate pregnancy and full female breasts in exaggerated proportions. I guess that pregnant women had a beautiful glow in pre-history as well. Proportion screams volumes of information to our instinctual level of intelligence under our individual rules of physical attraction when it comes to selecting a potential love partner; notably, that a well proportioned face and body is usually preferred.
Archeologists are quick to assign the emergence of conceptual intelligence and modern behavior and religious ceremonial value to these artifacts; however, they are careful not to apply the emotional state of love as a possible motivation for the tremendous caveman efforts. I would suggest just the opposite, that the artistic expressions of the time were directly tied to the newly evolved, ultimately complex emotion of love. Perhaps if archeologists spent less time digging up old bones and more time jumping new ones, they might notice the direct correlation between art and love that the rest of us archeologically challenged modern humans so easily recognize. Maybe universities should include some mandatory Meatloaf, "I would do anything for love," in their graduate level archeology curriculum.
Time represents a key line of connection along the intellectual continuum for couples in true love. True love may be the biggest time bandit of all. Arguably, our most valuable resource, how much time to spend together and how much apart, can be the source of anxiety for many couples. Charles Darwin said of time, "A man who dares to waste one hour of his life has not discovered the value of life," an inward focus of time. Charles Dickens said, "A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self," an outward focus of time. What the two Charlies may not have known in their time is that true love really does stand the test of time, relatively speaking.
It is incredibly difficult to verbalize the time distortion phenomenon experienced by couples in a true love relationship. Every time I look for adequate words and or representations, I find the tether of math, physics, and biochemistry blocking my thoughts. Yet, every one of us who has even gone through the infatuation phase of a relationship can attest, quite accurately, to what happens to time; it speeds up when we are within reasonable proximity to our partner's stimuli and slows down when we are yearning for their sights, sounds, smells, and touch. If lovers are not accelerating, relative to the space-time they occupy, then why does time seemingly speed up? Why do most new couples look at the clock and it is suddenly 5 AM when it feels like only an hour has passed since they met for dinner at 7 PM the night before. True love couples seem to experience time in this way their whole lives.
If this phenomenon were strictly individual and imaginary then there would be no shared experience. Some people can even tap into the distortion as a third party, resulting in comments to couples of how cute they are. Falling off a cliff is as close to an accurate simile as I can find. Some recent controlled studies indicated that time distorts while falling for the individual involved in as much as reaction time speeds up relative to the "normal" condition of not falling. Falling in love has the same effect on time and I imagine that for me that is where the time went. Unfortunately that is all the time we have on this interesting topic for this time.
For the latest posts click here: http://theartfulscienceoftruelove.com/blog/


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Endocrinology of Love: Why Do We Fall in Love?

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Love is nature's design of keeping the human species alive and reproducing. Research have proven that hormones govern the transformation of couples from being lovestruck to being in love forever.
A woman's smile may just be a simple smile. But deep inside, a cocktail of hormones is conniving to start the lovely process of reproduction. A woman's smile is a sign of hormones at work.
According to research, when a woman sees a man, or even just an image of a man, her smile muscle becomes more active. The hormone progesterone is responsible for this effect. This is nature's way of increasing the chances of intimacy. Furthermore, the same hormone starts to prepare the womb for a possible pregnancy.
Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, US has proposed that there are three stages of love - lust, attraction and attachment, with each stage driven by different hormones.
LUST: Attraction on the spot
This is the first stage of love and is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen. These hormones governs physical attraction on the spot. Thus, explaining the famous line "Love at first sight."
ATTRACTION: Reason behind courtship
The second stage of love is attraction. This is the time when couples are truly love-struck and can think of little else. Research propose that the neurotransmitters - adrenaline, cortisol, dopamine, and serotonin - are involved in this stage.
Adrenalin and cortisol activate stress response. This creates the charming effect that when couples unexpectedly bump into each other, they start to sweat, their hearts beat faster and their mouths go dry.
Meanwhile, dopamine stimulates "desire and reward" by triggering an intense rush of pleasure. With dopamine, couples often show increased energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention and exquisite delight in smallest details of the new relationship.
Serotonin, being the most widespread neurotransmitters in the body, is perceived as one of the most important love chemicals. It explains why thoughts of each other keeps popping into their minds. It makes couples want to stay together to enter the next stage of love, which is attachment.
ATTACHMENT: The long-term, sexually-engaged bond
In this stage, oxytocin and vasopressin play the major part. Oxytocin, or the cuddle hormone, is a powerful hormone released by couples during sex - orgasm to be exact. The hormone increases the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another. Thus, the more sex they have, the greater the bond they create. Vasopressin is perceived to be the monogamy chemical. This hormone is responsible for the couples intentions in life-long exclusive mating. This is the hormone that promotes devotion to each other.
We may believe that we are choosing our destiny. But the truth is that we are victims of nature's lovely plan.


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How True Love Can Change Your Life Forever (And The Soulmate SECRET You Must Not Miss!)

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Are you happy with your love life? Are you in a rewarding relationship with someone you truly believe is meant to be a part of your world?
Do you believe in the idea of karma, and connection and the notion that your love life is FATED well before you are even born? If you are anything like I was years ago you are probably skeptical about the idea that there is ANYTHING more to love than LUCK and that chance and hard work are what makes most "soul mates" appear happy. I've learned some incredible lessons since then, including the idea that there is a KARMA to connection, and that each of us comes into this world with a specific set of soul mates we are destined to learn from, grow with and evolve together as one.
(Including ONE authentic romantic or spiritual love connection as well)
Here is EXACTLY what I believe to be true when it comes to soul mates, "suffering" and the reason so many relationships end in divorce, depression and disappointment:
1 - Most women SETTLE far too fast for men who are LESS than who we hope to meet. As a matter of fact, some studies suggest that 65% of women admit that if they had to do it over again, after 10 years or more together.....would pick a NEW partner than the one they've married.
2 - That there IS in fact fate, karma and a universal plan for our lives. We are here for a PURPOSE. And the universe, while it will gently nudge us in the direction of our dreams, won't interfere if we choose to ignore the signs and settle for LESS than we deserve.
(I've wasted years and years of my own life being "blind" to the signs all around me, and it truly wasn't until I found my OWN soulmate and life partner did I realize he had been waiting for me all along!)
The KEY to discovering your soulmate.......even if you've had years of terrible failed relationships?
BELIEF! The idea that you know with 100% certitude that there is a plan and purpose to your being alive, and that authentic PASSION awaits, is an incredibly freeing thing. Hope is a transformative tool....and no matter how old you are right now, if you open yourself up to the idea that there is something (or someone) really amazing, waiting for you in this very moment, it can be an incredibly transformative experience.
As a matter of fact, it wasn't until I had a horoscope reading with my fiance at the time that I realized how WRONG my "love" life was, and how wrong we were together. Not only did the intuitive tell us during the reading itself, he also described in incredible detail the people who were "waiting" for us when we decided to move on and truly listen to our hearts. ( a brave and risky recommendation for him to make without ever meeting us before......but he was RIGHT, we each knew it, and I think we'd each now agree, this was the moment each of our lives changed for the better forever!)
Of course many people reading this right now are skeptical. And I understand that. The secret to life is that we have both free will, and a purpose for being alive. We are here to love deeply - but to give it, and get it. And without this, living a complete.
existence is almost impossible. But open yourself up to the power, and the possibility...and embrace the idea that you were BORN to be happy, in love and completely content and you will find that's it's waiting for you to find.....and often, far faster than you ever believed possible to boot!
Want PROOF? Click HERE ===> to Find Your Soulmate .......Without Having to Have Your Heart Broken EVER again!
You Deserve to Find True LOVE .....Today!


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The 4 Key Essences of Love

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Love is maybe a short four-letter word but its definition in the dictionary is never constant. If you look at different dictionaries you can see that they have many definitions of love. Even each one of us has a definition for love. Some of us even associate love to an object like chocolates, flowers, toys and even perfumes. To add, some of us even associate it to the one we adore.
Even as kids and as we grow to adults love has different definitions. Love surely is a complicated thing, and not even science can explain why it exists. It may explain the hormones involved, but it can never explain why it happens.
Love surely has many definitions, especially when we talk about relationships. However, what is really "love" when it comes to expressing it to someone we love?
1. Love is faithfulness.
When you love someone we must be honest to the person we love. Being faithful to someone means not closing doors and hiding secrets. If you really love someone and have full trust to that person then keeping secrets is not the way to express it. Knowing each other's secrets just goes to show that both of you have full faith and trust in each other.
It may be difficult to share secrets and may take time, but it will surely pay off.
2. Love is Sharing.
Sharing in love is not just all about material things. This is the part where we open our hearts and minds to each other. Sharing in joy, pain, success and even failure and when it comes to love you are not alone. Love always exists between two parties, and you can only experience the full joy of love if you are open with one another. Share your problems, big or small, to one another for love will always find a way to comfort you.
3. Love is spending time together.
Even just for a short time spending time with each other can really be fulfilling. Just a few moments can get your sadness away in just a blink of an eye. That is why spending time with one another is crucial when it comes to relationships. If you love someone, but do not have time to go visit just means that you do not fully love that person.
Another important thing about spending time with each other is talking. Psychologically, a person who does not have social communication, especially to someone they love tends to get depressed easily and work inefficiently. As you can see, if you do not want your partner to be like that spending time with one another is crucial.
4. God is love.
When it comes to relationships it can never be complete without the one from above. He is always there to comfort you in times of hardships that may test you. However, in the end, those trials exist to build you to become a stronger couple.
Love is patient, love is kind, and love does not boast and is not proud and that is how love should be.
Love maybe a complicated thing and the words may not explain all of it but through the things we do and the things we feel, though it may not be explained through words, we can surely define what love really is.
Everyone needs self-confidence, take action now. It's time to take action specially when it comes to love. It's finally time to get all the answers you want at http://www.onlyloveisall.com


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Keep Your Relationship Alive - Flirt With Your Partner

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Many couples complain that, as time passes, their relationship is not what it used to be anymore. This is because at the beginning of a relationship both partners flirt and this keeps their interest awake. Nobody says that this has to end once you move in together or you get married. Flirting with your partner or husband at all times and even in the most unexpected situations will keep your relationship alive. The key is to constantly keep him interested in you and to always make him think about you.
Make sure you feel like you are at a first date each time you go out. Other couples will sure envy the sparkle in your relationship and will want to know the secret. Here are some proven tips to revive your relationship and boost the passion in your marriage:
Revive the Passion and Save Your Relationship
No matter how busy you are, you can sure find a few minutes to draw his attention. Give him clues of what's going to happen tonight, in your bedroom. Send him an e-mail during the day with a few words that sound like an invitation for tonight or with a picture that brings back memories. Make sure everything is decent and subtle. He will sure know what's on your mind.
Surprise him with revealing some erotic thoughts when he least expects it. For instance tell him about a dream or a fantasy you had while he does something absolutely ordinary like washing the dishes. He will sure keep that in mind for the entire day and he will eagerly wait for the night to come.
Tease Your Partner and Flirt with Him
Tease him constantly and make sure he knows what's on your mind while you are out. Some innocent kissing games when he comes to pick you up from work never hurt. Make sure no one sees you. The fact that you are having dinner after work doesn't mean that you can't dress provocative. Wear something sexy underneath your office clothes and let him know this.
Make Him Want You More Than Life Itself
During dinner maintain constant physical contact with him. Touch him "accidentally" and also draw his attention on your body. Bite your lips sensually or play with your hair. Keep in mind that everything needs to be subtle. Don't be too obvious because men don't like this. He should read your intention through the lines and he should only receive hints on your plans together. If you have a surprise for him, like a weekend getaway or something, don't spoil all the mystery. Leave some details to his imagination and play a little mysterious woman.
Keep Your Man Interested in You
Don't only focus on hints and clues while you are at dinner. Keep the conversation going and introduce some teasers from time to time. It's important that you two talk a lot. Otherwise you'll realize at some point that you bore each other. It's not very important what you talk about. Everything that interests you both is good.
Surprise Your Partner and Set a Positive Tone to Attract Him
It's important to always surprise your partner even if you know each other for long. Ask him to choose you a suitable outfit for your next date, from underwear to mascara. He will be surprised, but he will also enjoy the fun experience. Come up with surprises or out of the ordinary things as often as you have the occasion. None of you will get bored this way and you'll always have something new in your relationship.
Love games can also revive a relationship. Go out on a date and pretend you don't know each other, for instance. Go to a party together and act as strangers that are irresistibly attracted to each other. There are plenty of things you can do to revive your relationship. Flirting isn't the attribute of young couples. Married partners can also enjoy it from time to time.
For the best online dating tips and advice, check out http://www.SuperLoveTips.com. Here you will find a wealth of information on dating and relationships. Unlike other websites, Super Love Tips is updated every single day with original articles on how to improve your relationship, find love, overcome divorce and approach the person you are interested in.
My name is Andra Picincu. I am a professional freelance writer, editor and web marketing consultant. I have been offering quality services for over four years. From SEO article writing and blog writing to business writing, social networking and web content development, I am able to write on virtually any subject. To find out more about my services, check out http://www.AllWritingServices.com.


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How To Tell He Is The One (And The Weird Sign He's Really Mr Really Wrong!)

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Who else believes that there is truly a "Mr. Right" out there for all of us? Do you believe that we each have a soulmate...or a spiritual partner, or an ideal mate that the Universe wants us to meet? To some people, that idea is SILLY, right? And yet to others like ME, it's as easy to understand as the idea that ALL of our lives have purpose, and meaning and a grand plan.
(and the idea that there is spiritual KARMA when it comes to love is as true to me as any other FACT I know to be true!)
Here is the deal:
Most women settle for partners WELL beneath what they deserve. Often we choose out of comfort and convenience, or the CALENDAR of our lives. (i.e. - we feel pressure to get married, or have kids, or make a move in our lives to meet or match what our friends or family are doing, or think we should)
Here is what I believe:
Every truly happy couple has a connection that transcends the obvious. They have a DEEP emotional rapport that is cellular, and energetic and NOT about comfort or convenience or even superficial happiness.
And that as Universe and the law of attraction teaches us, there is an "AURA to Amore!" In other words, authentic love has a radiance, and a vibration and an energy field that some people can SEE or feel, and that this subtle energy says MORE about what a man feels for you (or what a woman feels for a man) than any words, or vows or promise ever could.
A man who is NOT right for you? His aura...or his energy field, or the emotion that emanates from his authentic self is NOT imbued with the sort of light of love. (sounds weird, I know...but if you've seen it, you KNOW what I'm saying is true!)
And yet, the unfortunate truth is, not ONE in 100 women will ever get a love compatibility reading. Or look at the aura, or the emotional energy of their partner. Those that DO are often labeled weird or wacky...and yet ironically, they are almost ALWAYS the ones that stay together forever! (think about some of the new age celebrities that claim their partner was a gift of love from above, compared to the revolving door of cheating, and scoundrels and scandals we see every day in the news every week.
What YOU should do if you are serious about finding your soulmate...OR, knowing if the one you are with now is it?
Learn how to read, understand and immerse yourself in the emotional energy of authentic love. The KARMA of connection. And the way the Universe "conspires" to give those of us who seek out it's guidance EVERYTHING that our hearts and minds and souls desire! (and AVOID the fast food relationships with empty connections and commitments that STEAL your light, and your happiness and waste years you COULD be basking in the glow of true love instead!)
Want PROOF? Click HERE ===> to Find Your Soulmate .......Without Having to Have Your Heart Broken EVER again!
You Deserve to Find True LOVE .....Today!


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How Do I Get Over My Ex Girlfriend? 3 Strategies to Get Over Her Quickly!

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I run a popular site on how to get over a break up and there's one question that consistently falls into my mailbox from my readers: how do I get over my ex girlfriend?
Unfortunately, this is a question that most men have thought about at least once in their life. Fortunately, if this represents you, there are some answers I'd like to share with you. Before we get to that, here is a question from one of my readers:
You gotta help me out. My girl just dumped me for another guy. I'm in shock. I thought we would be together forever. I even made plans for our wedding and thought about how I was going to propose to her. Now, the bombshell drops. I don't know what to do since I never saw this coming. What's your advice? (James from Miami, Florida)
My Answer:
Your question is one that has been faced by many others, including me. We fall for a girl who just isn't as into us. What's unfortunate is that we are so brainwashed into thinking that men know all of the answers to these questions to the point where it is almost embarrassing to ask. As men, this messes with our minds when we have moments where we have a hard time dealing with emotions, especially when girls are involved. Asking your buddies "how do I get over my ex girlfriend" is sometimes hard for a man for a few reasons:
  • Guys aren't overly sensitive to other guys and don't provide other men with the close-nit support that girls receive from their friends post-breakup.
  • Guys are supposed to make things work. Including relationships. Any failure is an "x" mark on his personality.
  • Guys generally deal with their emotions internally verses externally. This can lead to built up frustration and anger that isn't noticeable to the outside world.
And since you were courageous enough to reach out for advice, I'm going to help you and the rest of my readers with this question by sharing three key tips to get you rolling in the right direction again.
Tip #1: Think Realistically
The downside of being in love is that you begin to think irrationally. You start to believe in destiny, soulmates, and more. While this is great to think about while in a relationship, it isn't a realistic mindset once you end the relationship. The truth is, if the girl breaks up with you, there will always be someone in this world who was and is a better fit for you. Instead of idealizing your ex girlfriend, start to think about the negatives in your ex as well as what improvements you would like to see in your next girlfriend. Was your ex not supportive of you? Was your ex controlling? Look to find someone who doesn't exhibit these characteristics.
Tip #2: Start Dating!
This may seem like a hard recommendation to some, but it might be the most vital of these three recommendations. If you are single, you will need to fill this void in some way. Dating others is a great way to start. Go out to social events (parties, bars, sports events, etc.) and talk to girls. If this isn't your style, try online dating. However you do it, set up dates. It doesn't have to be anything serious, but you need to be in the presence of other girls to help you forget about your ex girlfriend.
Tip #3: Enjoy Being Single
Think of your single time as an advantage rather than a disadvantage. Now is the time for you to focus on yourself and do things that you've always wanted to do. Focus on travel, school, exercise, activities and simply spending quality time with those you enjoy being with. If you are able to enjoy your life by yourself, it won't be long before girls begin to notice and become attracted to you.
Getting over your ex girlfriend will be rough. This will especially be rough if you were thinking about marriage. However, follow the three steps above to begin your process of moving on from the girl who broke your heart.
Looking for more advice on how to get over an ex girlfriend?
Click here to discover the fastest way to get over your ex-girlfriend


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Allowing A Love Relationship In

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Are you one of those people who wants love but is afraid to give it? If your love relationships haven't been all you want them to be it's time to take notice of what you do to keep people away.
Explore what your motives are and why you cause yourself so much angst by holding yourself away from a lover. People often hold back because they're afraid of passionate love relationships and fear hiding deep in their heart makes it virtually impossible to give and accept love. Not wanting to be hurt, you do and say things you don't really mean and then wonder why no one ever loves you enough to stay around.
So often you search out your faults and make them obvious to your partner. After weeks, months, or years of trying to get through your junk, they throw up their hands in frustration and leave you weeping at the door, feeling like a failure once again.
You can change your behavior, but when this "I need you, please stay, I'll change" stuff doesn't pan out and you show by your actions and words you really don't want to change, people go away. No one likes that kind of rejection forever.
Find out why you are so afraid of love and earnestly begin working on yourself. Perhaps some counseling sessions are a beginning, get a journal and write about your fears and longings, explore how deep they go.
You can never change another person, but you can change yourself - if you sincerely want to. Become that loving person you have trapped inside, let your guard down, start to trust people, understand and know there will be bad times, every love relationship has them, it's part of life.
Your fears will vanish as you explore matters of your heart - were you abandoned when you were young; abuse of any kind (emotional, physical, or verbal) can be worked through or gotten rid of; set boundaries for yourself and your loved ones. You have the ability to change your life and banish your fears so you can embrace love.
In 1894, Mark Twain said: "Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody."
Go into your inner being, find your dark side and throw out your hurts, smash your fears one by one.
Throw open the doors of your heart and let fresh air and cleansing light from a new moon wash away the pain of your broken, bruised heart.
Darlene is an expert in relationships - why they do or don't work and usually has a tip or two for making them work better...how you play the 'relationship game' is what often allows you to win the prize - a happier life and a lot of friends. More articles on Everything Relationships can be found at http://www.darlenepeltz.com


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